The funny thing is, you are up there influencing me, you’re reminding me EXACTLY how I never want to be. You represent a crossroads that I hope and pray to never reach. And as to you putting down your “former” business partner (careful to emphasize the word former) for having a family and buying things for them, and being “limited” by them, and telling him he has a “wife problem” I don’t even know how to respond. I guess my mind just wonders to the day when you will be lying in a hospital somewhere dying, and I’d be willing to bet with all the money in my “poor” bank account that you won’t look to a pie chart for comfort, and you won’t have fond memories of all those days spent doing meaningless bullshit and you won’t wish that you had health care consulting clients by your side and you might wish that you had actually done something with your money. Your definition of success may change slightly.

Because while your circle chart contains the words “BEST” “PASSION” and “ECONOMIC” I can’t fit the things that define me into a circle graph, and If I could i certainly wouldn’t use the word “ECONOMIC” in it. God i feel sorry for you! I want to meet you in 50 years and ask you again if you are successful, I want it so badly it hurts. To live in a world surrounded by pads and pens and pie charts and board meetings and no hope and no dreams and no love and no humanity and no late night beer runs and no coffee shop musicians and no walking around downtown just talking and no cuddles and no inside jokes and no horrible, boring, painful trips to the mall to spend all your money on a smile and never feeling the simplistic bliss of just being in the proximity of love and grace and I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore.

So no Sally, I don’t want to be “The Best” and I certainly don’t feel empowered to success by your awesome knowledge. In fact, you offend me. You’ve got the means to do anything you want in this life and you are squandering the opportunity, you DO realize you are going to die right? You aren’t immortal, but I guess they never put that in a circle graph so I can’t expect you to understand it. I could literally go on and on regarding the mind blowing your “steps to success” gave me this morning, but I’ll spare you.

My advice to you? Go buy a boat. I assure you it’s infinitely more rewarding than success itself.

1. Find a lifesize cut out of President Barack Obama. Proceed to chase people around with it while yelling, “RAWR! LOOK OUT HERE COMES DA BARACK-NESS MONSTA!!!

2.Get over my fear of the city at night. And/Or Buy a gun.

3.Learn to relax. That tree isn’t going to fall on the house Daniel.

4.Figure out why I feel so responsible for things I have no control over.

5.Play a video game.

6.Eat.

7.Try not to get so discouraged by things. Like glass that lays broken for months.

8.Take out trash.

9.Take it out again but this time leave it outside.

10.Figure out why I think things.

11.Stop feeling so rushed about everything.

12.Learn to live.

13.Learn to die.

So, I’m a Christian. No, not the kind that stands outside of places shouting at you about Satan. No, not the kind that thinks believing in Jesus turns you into a magical, sinless unicorn of faith that runs around telling everyone it’s better than you are. No, not the kind that hasn’t actually read the bible but feels fine taking Pastor fill-in-the-blanks word for it. No, not the kind who was “born into it”. No, not the kind that likes to touch little boys. No, not the religious kind. No, not the kind who knocks on your door with those creepy fliers about blood. No, not the kind that thinks if you don’t go to his church you’re gonna burn. No, not the kind who goes to church because you’re supposed to. No, not the kind who is a mindless, thoughtless sheep who refuses to use the brain his god was gracious enough to give him.

I guess I’m just the kind that really likes a lot of the things that Jesus guy said and did, and tries to be a little more like him each day. Quite unsuccessfully I might add.

So, I’m a Christian. Yes, the kind that talks about people who are judgmental in a judgmental way. Yes, the kind that occasionally treats God like a magical genie. Yes, the kind that makes promises to his God he constantly breaks. Yes, the kind that Is supposed to be full of love but seems to more often to be full of contempt and hate. Yes, the kind that doubts his faith. Yes, the kind that is quick to anger. Yes, the kind that would rather drink than read his bible. Yes, the kind that has a very short memory for all the amazing things that Jesus has done in his life. Yes, the kind that fail, fail, fails constantly.

I guess I’m just the kind that really likes a lot of the things that Jesus guy said and did, and tries to be a little more like him each day. Quite unsuccessfully I might add.

So, I’m sitting in my electronic media management class. I’m not sure what that means. Or why precisely electronic media needs to be managed. I mean I suppose we cant have electronic media doing whatever it wants. No internet. Bad internet.

At any rate, I’m drinking something called a red-eye. It’s a cup full of coffee with two shots of espresso in it. At least that is what I’m led to believe is in it. At the moment however, I’m feeling a bit like the guy in those old Folgers commercials.

“We’ve replaced the normal espresso in Daniel’s beverage with rock Cocaine. Let’s see if he notices!”

The room is moving. No shit. Not like in a I’m drunk, spinning kind of way. It’s much more festive than that. Yes, a room can move festively, I’m witnessing it right now. Also, I’m hearing the music from the Mario Bros. game that plays when you pick up a star. Duh duhduh duhduh da duhduhdudhudhduhduh da da da  dada da duhduhdhduhduhduh. Oh wait. It stopped. My star power must have run out. Hold on I need a sip of my Red eye.

There it goes.

Anyways. The Red eye is a very legendary beverage. Coffee by itself: It’s good, it’ll help you get up and going in the morning and keep your energy up til lunch. Espresso: Awesome. It’s a little kick in the pants that gives you an energy boost. kapow! But of course nothing major happens you just feel slightly more awake than usual.

For some reason however, when you drink these two storied coffee beverages at the same time, you ride the freakin’ dragon. Drink your red-eyes with caution.

Ahhh, the dub-ya. Enjoy a small fraction of highlights of his oratory skills as the leader of our nation.

“Anybody who is in a position to serve this country ought to understand the consequences of words.” –George W. Bush, interview with Rush Limbaugh, Nov. 1, 2006

“Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods.” –George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Dec. 20, 2000

“Dick Cheney and I do not want this nation to be in a recession. We want anybody who can find work to be able to find work.” –George W. Bush, 60 minutes II, CBS, December 5, 2000

“In terms of the economy, look, I inherited a recession, I am ending on a recession.” –George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 12, 2009

“The great thing about America is everybody should vote.” –George W. Bush, Austin, Texas, Dec. 8, 2000

“They misunderestimated me.” –George W. Bush, Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

“They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it’s some kind of federal program.” –George W. Bush, Nov. 2, 2000

“Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.” –George W. Bush, LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

“I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can’t answer your question.” –George W. Bush, in response to a question about whether he wished he could take back any of his answers in the first debate. Reynoldsburg, Ohio, Oct. 4, 2000

“Reading is the basics for all learning.” –George W. Bush, announcing his “Reading First” initiative in Reston, Va., March 28, 2000

“Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better.” -George W. Bush, in a press conference with Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien. Sept. 24, 2001

“One has a stronger hand when there’s more people playing your same cards.” –George W. Bush, on holding six-party talks with North Korea, Washington, D.C., Oct. 11, 2006

For many more enjoyable Bushisms (and by enjoyable, i refer of course to the mind numbing sadness that results from the realization that somehow this moron actually became president.) please head over to:

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/blbushisms.htm

Hello, my name is Daniel and I’m a COD:MW2aholic.

(Hi Daniel thanks for sharing, why don’t you tell us more.)

Well, my friends got me into it. I mean… I wasn’t really into the stuff. I mean, I didn’t know if I liked it or not cause I hadn’t really been exposed to it yet. But everyone over there uses. I mean they’ve all got it in their rooms, it’s even in the living room, it’s really hard to avoid.

(mmm, sounds hard. Please continue.)

Well, I go over there on Thursday afternoons before and after one of my classes. I mean it started out real casual. I walked upstairs and my buddy Mallow was up there… using. And I was like, “What’s this?” And he was like, “Oh man It’s Modern Warfare 2, James just got it, it’s awesome! You should try it man, do you wanna try it?”

(And, how did you feel about that?)

I mean, I kind of didn’t know about it at first, but It looked really cool and I didn’t think that it really looked very harmful. I mean, everyone else was having a really good time with it, so why did I have to miss out? So, that’s when I tried it for the first time.

(mmmhmm, and then?)

Oh, I was hooked. I mean from the first second I picked up the stuff! One time is all it takes with MW2. Then it started happening. I mean the longer I was away from it the stronger a hold it took on me. I mean once a week just isn’t enough man! I try not to think about it but I can’t help it! I’ve started missing classes just to play and I feel like I’m not in control of my life anymore. So, that’s why I’m here. I gotta have my shit man!

(please, Daniel, just breathe and try and calm down)

No I can’t. I can’t calm down! RAWR! Oh, oh no … everyone here it comes step back, it’s going to get ugly. NEEEEERRRDDDRAAAAGGGEEEEE!!!!!! I NEED MY STUFF MAN! GIMMIE MY STUFF!!! RAWRWRRWRWRRWRRRWRRWRWRRRRR!

… and that’s pretty much how it went down. Damn you Infinity Ward.

Okay, so I’m walking across campus today pondering a topic for my film critique that is due this evening, and I get to thinking about what pre-1950 film I might want to tackle. Then I get to thinking about how I just really don’t find old films that exciting. I mean hell when one of the first movies you ever saw was Die Hard, it’s all sort of downhill from there. I mean sorry Cool Hand Luke, but watching you smash up some parking meters isn’t nearly as exciting once I’ve watched Bruce Willis blow up a helicopter with a car… So then I get to thinking about what a movie like Avatar might look like to someone from 1940. So, I’ve decided that’s now my official stock answer to the question, “What would you do with a time machine?” I’d kidnap someone from pre-1950′s culture, take them to see Avatar in IMAX 3D, and watch their mind fucking obliterate itself. Take that Citizen Kane.

The following is a republication of an explanation E-mail my film professor requested after i had placed

I by no means am a military “expert”, but I do have many friends and family who have been in or are in the service now. Also, I have Google. First let me give credit where credit is due. The Hurt Locker definitely deserved the awards for “Best Sound Design” and “Best Sound Mixing”. The experience of watching the film was very immersing. The set design, acting, editing, directing: these attributes were all top notch. However, Kathryn Bigelow may need a new fact checking department. The attention to detail was sloppy at best, as was the story line in my opinion. Here’s a few highlights:

1. Lone Wolf…s: Firstly and perhaps most importantly, whenever the EOD team leaves the base in the film they are almost always completely alone. Ask any soldier who has been to Iraq. In real life when an EOD team goes out on a mission they are ALWAYS accompanied by at least 3 Humvees. This would be about 15 additional soldiers with them at all times. In the service they refer to this as a rapid response team. From a reality perspective this cancels out most of the scenes in the entire movie. It is just simply silly to believe that a team of three soldiers would ever be allowed to do anything completely alone in Iraq.

2. The Sniper Scene: In this scene we find James and Sanborn in a death defying situation where they are asked to man a sniper rifle in the heat of the moment. My first problem with this scene, is that the enemy sniper quickly takes out three targets at the start of the battle. Yet when James leaves Sanborn alone to help Eldridge clean the bullets off for like 2 minutes, not a shot is fired. Sanborn is left miraculously unscathed. Later in this scene, Sanborn makes an expert shot at a moving target from about 1000yds. We learn earlier in the movie that Sanborn was an intelligence officer for 8 years before moving over to EOD. (Actually, this is impossible, He would not qualify for a CIB in either an Intel or an EOD assignment. It is an award strictly given to Infantry soldiers). That notwithstanding, my brother is a US Army intelligence officer and I can tell you that at no point has he ever handled a sniper rifle at any time, much less shot one. This shot would have been impossible for Sanborn to make. Oh and a quick P.S. Eldridge later in the scene hits a covered target from like 500yds. by just sort of indiscriminately firing in its general direction. But lets chock that one up to chance. Shall we?

3. This disarming stuff is very suspenseful: Probably my favorite. well hell, I’ve just gotta quote IMDB for this one.

“The bombs pictured would not have to be “disarmed” as portrayed. The military munitions were fused with primer cord. Simply cutting the primer cord would have isolated the bomb from the electrical cap ignition circuit thereby making it inert. Primercord explodes but with the force of a M-40 firecracker not high explosive force.”

4. Col. Go Boom: One of the scenes integral to the films story line is one in which Col. Cambridge the base psychologist goes out on a mission with the EOD team. Now, we’ve already discussed how the EOD team always goes out with a large fire team. But in this instance with a Col. in tow there would be even more protection. Frankly, I’m skeptical that the higher ups would even allow a Col. to go out into the field in the first place. But lets pretend for a minute that they did. So, they arrive at this building and get out of the Humvee…. alone! Go figure. At this point I’m already livid. And Sanborn says something like, “Security team hasn’t made it in yet.” And so they wait for the security team right? No. they go in alone (of course). Oh, and did I mention they leave a Col. outside completely alone with a large group of Iraqi’s… He’ll be fine.

5. Let’s Split up: The characters also make a number of tactical errors. The most notable is the scene towards the end of the film, where they run off in search of “Hajii’s” while surveying a bomb site (which they didn’t really actually do anything, they just sort of looked at it). Anyways, again lets pretend they’d be able to just sort of sneak off and go on a renegade three man mission (sigh). They come to an area with three paths and James says, “Looks like these streets are set up in a grid… We’ll have to split up.” Not sure why streets being in a grid would require you to split up exactly. But, more importantly NO, i repeat, NO soldier would EVER split up his fire team. It is a HORRIBLE tactic and against every bit of military training.

6. Hey buddy, have you seen my time machine?: The movie is littered with time errors, I noticed a few while watching, but more when I consulted the gods of the internet. i.e. Wearing of uniforms that were put into service in 2005 while the setting of the film is 2004. One of the characters is using an iPod Touch, these didn’t exist in 2004. One character says an Iraqi with a video camera is preparing a clip for YouTube. YouTube launched in, say it with me, 2005.

Basically, some disregard of reality is acceptable in a movie, but when it falls too far outside of the realm of suspension of disbelief it becomes distracting and angering, ESPECIALLY in a movie that is supposedly based on real events i.e. The war in Iraq. This sort of construction of reality in a realistic setting is offensive to the viewer.

The film crew obviously lacked any type of military consultant on the film, and apparently aren’t even familiar with the Internet or how to use Wikipedia. These types of incongruities in a film in this day in age are simply unacceptable, and unforgivable.

That’s just a few of the more notable things that cause me to classify this movie “fantasy” but there are many, many, many more … but don’t take my word for it. Check it out! As if I wasn’t frustrated at this film enough! lol Thanks IMDB.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0887912/goofs